So this is how God must feel?

My three oldest kids seem to go through cyles/waves every 6-8 weeks, where one will start exhibiting some particularly crappy behaviour and, before long, the other two will join in. Before you know it, people are getting grounded and losing privileges... and I'm losing both my patience and my voice. It's been like this ever since they came to live with us 4 years ago.

The big thing we are dealing with from the boys lately is lying. I can't for the life of me figure out why they do it... other than they think they are way smarter than us, and we'll never figure it out; but, of course, we always do. We try to explain to them that the consequences for lying are far greater than the "original sin", but they don't seem to get it. My sister keeps reminding me that we have to lower our expectations--that after a couple of weeks of us showing them that we will deal less harshly with them if they just tell us the truth, they will stop trying to get around us--and realize that these kids had a nasty start to life, and these learned behaviours are not going to disappear overnight. They have never learned to trust anyone, so to expect that to happen in a matter of weeks--though that would be WONDERFUL--is just not realistic.

So as I was reading the 'discipline referral' from the boys' school about my oldest son's ISS (in-school suspension) last week--which, by the way, goes on his permanent school record now--it dawned on me that this must be how God feels, right? I mean, He watches over us, sees us making the same mistakes over and over again, continues to lend his hand, guidance, provision, all the time praying that we choose wisely 'this time'... and then His heart hurts a little when we don't, when we continue to fall into the same habits, make the same mistakes. He must feel just as we do as parents, hoping beyond hope that we will 'get it right' this time, and wringing His hands when we don't. Well, okay, maybe not. I mean, I believe God knows everything we're going to do, when and how, and all that; I think He knows how many times we'll stumble along the way. But He still hopes, waits, cheers us on, and (most importantly) loves us. I thought to myself, "If God gave up on me, threw His hands up in frustration or despair or anger everytime I screwed up, He would be long-gone."

And I'm supposed to be like Him to my kids. They're supposed to see Christ in me, and be treated with the same kind of unconditional love that He gives me. That's a big job. REAL big. I don't mean to infer that my kids are the most horrible, undisciplined, hateful children in the world; they're actually pretty nice little kids... most of the time (when they're not taking a swing at someone for bugging them). But they seem to try a little harder, push the envelope a little further than most kids I know. "Most" kids have a sense of when to wave the white flag, but not mine; they truly believe that they are too crafty, too smart for us, and that at some point, they're going to get around us. Sometimes I wonder if they're right, and if it's worth it to try to keep a few steps ahead of them all the time. I'm tired. It's extremely exhausting, mentally and physically.

So where does that leave me? I'm not altogether sure, but I now have come to terms with the fact that it will not be a quick fix. I can expect it to be a long journey--it's been 4 years already--and it (obviously) won't be easy. I have to be Christ to them, love them as He does, look at them through His eyes, respond to them as He would. It will be tiring and frustrating, but if I can get through it in one piece, it will be well worth it.